__this is your body UNDER FIRE!

[mizz kaseyy.]

call me a doctor of defense.
maybe I'm a fix.
baby i'm a mess.
a diagnosis you'll forget.
call me baby call me crazy, yeah yeah yeah!
take these pills everyday
to kill your apathy for living.
yeah for living, yeah yeah!

i found the villain in your bed
a blanket full of lust.
a pillow you can trust.
so is this what you call love?
call me crazy, listen baby, yeah yeah yeah
stop sniffing all your cocaine
i'll be your drug for the pain
for all the pain, yeah yeah!

[/color]




____haha, pretty boy. where have you gone? it's funny, so funny my new life would start out this way. as i stand here in my new, empty dorm room, the first thought that crosses my mourning mind is; baby? why aren't you here with me? you may think it funny, so go ahead and laugh at me- i'm used to it. sorry, but did you think you could bring me down, and bury me? no, no dear. you're wrong, dead wrong. i'm not the same weakling i used to be, i'm really not. you can't hurt me like you used to; pain is no longer something i can feel. unless of course.. i think of him but ohh, he does have that effect on people. or did. does? maybe? i wouldn't know.

kasey stood there, a small bad tucked under on arm, a suitcase dangling in the other. see looked at the vacant room; it's white plaster walls, new white carpet, bare queen canopy bed. ohh, the bed. it did look so familiar. though bare, kasey's battered mind drifted back to a time, long, long ago, in an attic. there was a single window, a single bed, and single crib holding a single baby, and a single boy, holding kase in his scrawny arms. his breath, his touch, his kiss. kasey shook her head. she would NOT break down. not like this not here. not with..

the door burst open then, and a man you'd think no older then a teenager, carried a small box with the last of kasey's things, tucked away neatly inside. two tiny luggage bag's, with a little box, was all the girl had to her name. the man who looked like a teenager looked down at kasey, his blue eyes twinkling in the light of the setting sun that swept through the large, white oak window. he smiled softly.

"wow kiddo. look at you. living the rich life. don't forget me, your humble servant, when you become famous."

the man said, taking a setting the box down on the floor next to the door. her took a step toward kasey, and wrapped his big, muscular arms around her tiny anorexic frame. kase pulled the sleeves to her grey hollister sweatshirt over her wrists squeezing the cloth tight in her lanky fingers as she slid her arms around her brother.

"you know, no matter what, little sister, i'll be here for you. a six hour plane ride from new york to california means nothing, even if they don't allow visitors."

zanny murmured into her hair. of course, the six hour plane ride had everything to do with the two siblings seeing each other, for zanny worked night shifts as a bar tender. he was perfect for the job, because he could easily break up the noisy drunken fights, and it had always brought in good money. or decent, enough to live off of, anyway. probably not enough for a round way ticket from new york to california every time kasey had a nightmare, or a flash black. or a blackout.

"of course, zanny. i know. i'll uhm, i'll call you tonight. or text you. but i'll see you.. later. at thanksgiving. "

kaleigh wasn't good at goodbyes- she'd suffered to many of them, and thanksgiving was the first time since school would start, that the parents and siblings would be granted permission to see their kids. stepping away from her brother, kase wrapped her arms around her chest, squeezing her hands even tighter, letting her fingernails dig into her flesh. zanny, sensing her anxiety, simply nodded his head, blue eyes untearing, as he turned his large frame and walked out the door, closing it behind him, his curly black hair, the last thing kasey say of her brother.

____really, you'll think me a bitch for ushering my brother away from me like so, but i'm better off being along. i'm used to it. i like it. the piercing quite, the dead air- ohh, what a comfort at times like these. not. but here, i won't drop this sad little smile i've pasted on my lips as i begin to unpack. the clothes from the suitcase go in the huge walk in closet, the bathroom supplies and make-up for in the restroom, the bedsheets go on slowly, covering the vintage mattress. i know how to do this, see? i've got this covered. unpacked already, and i'm still one of the only people in this god forsaken dorm.

kasey sat on her bed, looking blankly at the wall, trying to to let the tears spill out of her pretty green contacted eyes. she could do this, she could handle it. the piercing silence, slow suicide. she was used to it.

setting her jaw, clenching her teeth, and shutting her eyes, kase fell backward on the bed, and rolled herself up into a ball, holding her breath until her heart beat faster, louder, so she could hear it drumming in her pale ears. it hurt, it burned, and finally she released it, gasping for her. haha, since when have you ever heard of anyone committing suicide form holding their breath? not ever. shaking away the black dots, and standing up dizzily, she kaleigh walked into the bathroom, her hands clenching and unflinching, as she grabbed a razor from the cabinet, slamming it down against the white marble counter, breaking the plastic so the little sharp piece of metal was reveled. kasey picked it up, and slowly slide down the counter, till she was seated on the floor. she fingered the little metal razor blade, running it everso lightly along her thumb. then, as a tear fell from her fake green eyes, she shoved the sweatshirt sleeve up, letting the bare, scarred arm rest openly on her knees. there was alteast four long scars on each arm, surrounded by smaller, deeper little slits.

okay, so our actress has a problem- what else is new? slowly, almost reluctantly, the girl with a fake name, fake image, fake life, drew the tiny little blade down into the flesh underside of her arm, first a long line, then two smaller ones coming out of the center of it, opposite directions. the tears were streaming out of her big green eyes now, but the pain felt good when she was done, she grabbed a roll of toilet paper form behind the toilet, and wiped off the blood that still leaking out of her flesh. kasey stood up and grabbed a band-aid from her purse, dropping the shiny, blood-stained blade into the zipper pouch inside the white bag. before covering the cut with the band-aid she whispered

"long live the king,"

and placed the rather large pad over the bloodied letter on her arm.

"who left his queen, once more. like always."

the letter on her arm was covered now, but it was cut deep enough into her pale flesh, that she would always have a little scare of the letter K on her arm.

[/blockquote]

this is the sound of your body under fire
these are my eyes finding you in the dark
we are the voices of an underground choir
save your breath you won't be heard![/color]


one one nine seven.
under fire by halifax.
miss kasey leigh bell.
aka, navy.[/blockquote]

[itsnatbby.]

im NOT THE MODEL CiTiZEN!
not the one,
your daddy and mommy
want you to BE iNVOLVED WiTH!
ill show you a RiPROARiN good time,
if you let me.

LITTLE JIMMY JACKSON,
IS JACKING UP HIS
bronco,
he's going to;
LAY A LITTLE RUBBLE,
LATER ON AT THE TRUCK PULL.

long legs were swung out the oak lined window of the first floor in bradwell. wrangler booted feet slammed hard against the dry grass and he grunted slightly, but he was used to pain. he looked at his wrists, a smile coming to his face, no, he wasn't a cutter. there was nothing that made him angry or sad anymore. he had moved out of his parent's ranch and now he was on his own, and not only was he on his own, he was in the highest statted boy's dormitory on campus, and he probably had the worst reputation out of anyone. his second year here, and the first day for students, and he was already heading down the wrong path. not only was he going to sneak into ariana hall, it was also after curfew for the first day. his steps were quiet as he moved forward, the shadows that the setting sun cast around the landscape gave him all the cover he needed as he made his way across the courtyard and to the looming brick building the housed the most goodlooking, and the richest girls on campus. a smile grew on his handsome features, and aqua eyes flickered slightly.

his calused palms ran against the wheathered wall as he quickly made his way to the tall oak doors. he went to pull the handle, but retracted his tan fingers before he touched the brass knob. he shook his head and looked to the side, and into a lit window. last year, there had not been a soul in that room. room sixteen was it? ah, well, they may have just left a light on this year. so that it didn't look so empty. he slid his fingers by the white painted sill until he found the pry that he had used his sophmore year. the metal was painted white so that it wasn't visible, and he was lucky to have found it randomly last year. he poked it into a small opening and unlocked the window. hands were ran up the side, and he quietly and surely opened up the long glass. he wasn't exactly paying attention as he slid his booted foot, and his wrangler jeaned legs into the room, but when he felt the draft hit him, he knew that there had to be someone in the room. and not just someone, an ariana girl. that could be a good thing and a bad thing for the green eyed boy. but who knew.

he felt the cool air rush up at him as he tucked his real tree hunting cap under the hanging window sill. he was almost taken aback as he saw the tear stained cheeks of the pretty girl that layed on her bed. he straightend up his shoulders and a stunning smile was given in her direction. he took a step forward and sat on the dark stained oak working desk. fingers played with the cuffs on his tattered dress shirt and he let his vision slide back up to her. "yeah, sorry about coming in here," his arm motioned towards the open window as he kept his voice somewhat low, "like that. this room was always empty, and i always came through that widow. right there. well anyway, im chase ayers. bradwell." he gave his white smile once more, and let his eyes move slowly around the room. his eyes trained on the bed next to her, and he wondered nonchalantly if she had a roomate. he looked towards the door as he heard footsteps, his heart actually skipped a beat as he heard the words coupled with each knock on the door. 'girls, curfew. everyone decent?' and then the doors opened quickly, and then seconds later, the door slammed lightly. then the footsteps stopped in front of room 016 and the knock came. he threw himself at the bed where the girl layed her body, and he pulled himself under the bedskirt. he breathed in and out slowly, his eyes looking at the wooden frame of the matress. he held his breath as the dorm mother's words floated through the white stained wood.

[/color]

ooc; this is crapp, sorry. it'll be better [and longerr] next timee.

[mizz kaseyy.]

call me a doctor of defense.
maybe I'm a fix.
baby i'm a mess.
a diagnosis you'll forget.
call me baby call me crazy, yeah yeah yeah!
take these pills everyday
to kill your apathy for living.
yeah for living, yeah yeah!

i found the villain in your bed
a blanket full of lust.
a pillow you can trust.
so is this what you call love?
call me crazy, listen baby, yeah yeah yeah
stop sniffing all your cocaine
i'll be your drug for the pain
for all the pain, yeah yeah!

[/color]




____you'd think i'm insane, you'd think i need medication. me, sitting here, a bloodied bandaged on one arm, the other covered in scares. hush no, and please hold your comments. because i've honestly had enough shit to last me a life time. but ohhh, that's not going to stop the masses from complaining, is it? of course not. they take one look at you, with those little slices and cuts, simply etched into your placid skin, your to-die-for body, skinny as hell, and the fact that you have the ability to sit right there, and still look beautiful, and sneer right in your pretty little broken face- because they're already convinced you're not good enough, that you're just a piece of dirt. but how would they know, right? they don't know a thing about you dear, and yet here i sit, just waiting to be judged. so common, pretty boys and sexy girls- do your worst. i can't feel the pain anymore. i'm just so numb; so go ahead. have your fun. and i'll sit here and smile prettily, just for you, just for HIM. why i've kept myself alive through all of this, after everything? one reason: maybe he's out there somewhere. maybe, just maybe, he's looking for me, to take me away from this god forsaken place. or maybe he's already dead and buried. or just doesn't care- how would i know?

kasey sat there, holding one small, almost transparent hand, over the orange band-aid, staring off into space. she couldn't get her mind to focus on anything, aside form her few memories, from all those months ago. he was everywhere, there, still with her. his arms still around the small, broken girl. he was the air she breathed- his scent, his cologne. when kasey closed her fake, fake green eyes, she saw his face, somewhat fuzzy, fading from the time she had last scene the lanky boy, with dark, dark hair, azule, searching eyes, gangly fingers... her boy, her koi. her little, living dead [probably really dead, now] boy.

though kase's mind soon snapped back to reality, when she heard footsteps outside her dorm room, the chatter of her classmates, their shrills laughs and sweet, ariana- proper voices, seeping through the heavy oak door. pulling her bony knees up to her chest, and wrapping her small, white fingers around them, kayleigh sat in the center of the bed, her rosey bottom lip trembling slightly- koi's face had disappeared form her vision.

but then, kasey heard a noise coming form her window, her very old, closed, white window, and turned slowly, craning her neck , her body unmoving. she was tired, ohso tired, from the blood flowing out of her, and then the sight of it.. ugh. but kase was startled when she saw, not a bird, or a tree branch tapping at her window- but a boy. a.. handsome, boy. bradwell? why would a boy from bradwell be outside my window? she watched him from the bed, as he pushed the window open, the setting sun's warmth seeping into the chilly, air conditioned room. she waited for the boy dressed in ranch attire to notice her, a smirk on her lips. idiot. how did he not know these rooms were already filled with girls? and i'm sure he'd just love a slap on the face form a girl whom may have been getting dressed or something right at this moment.

[NOTE: i'm really sorry for this, but i always used to rp navy in first person. why i'm not now, i don't know, but i think that may be the problem. i hope you don't mind me switching ohso randomly like this. =X]

the boy turned slowly, as if he knew a pair of two green eyes, emerald, matching his shirt, would be staring at him right then. i couldn't help but smirk bigger. when he saw me, his eyes bulged- who would blame him? i looked a mess. seriously, me, sitting here, in an old faded black University of Davis sweatshirt, and little blue shorts, a bloodied band-aid, soaken to one arm, scars still on the other, pale, dead skin, dark curls, fake eyes. hey pretty boy- don't like what you see? leave. but, wiping my red, blotchy, tear-covered face, i watched as he advanced a step into the light of my little.. rather large, dorm room. he smiled, a big, toothy smile in my general direction, and his cute, boy-ish face, emerald eyes like mine [brought out nicely by his t-shirt], and tree-hunting cap was reveled. honestly, he wasn't that bad looking. plus, the fact that he had a farmers tan, and that lazy, lanky work-hand look to him, almost, [almost but not quite] made me forgive him for barging into my dorm room [which was off limits to boys, period, by the way] like he did it everyday.

the kid who looked like he could be in a saddle, rather then a girl's private dorm room, started talking almost too quickly, as he tried to get his story out before i screamed bloody-murder and reveled him to the house mother. funny guy. at least he was from bradwell, like i'd thought, and not some creep from drake- that could either be a good or a bad thing.

"well, mister ayers, glad you decided to drop in like this."

yes, sarcasm- how else would she talk at this?

"you'd think a light shinning in a bedroom that's normally vacant would tell you something."

i couldn't help but bring the grin that had fallen from my lips back, as i continued. this was the most amusing distraction i'd gotten since i had tried to explain my reasoning as to why there were little, half moon-shaped bite marks on my left shoulder blade- never try to convince you were attacked by a pack of rabid wolves to park rangers, even if it's not true.

"ohh, but tell me, dear chase ayers, what it is you think you're doing in the ariana hall, anyway? not only is it past curfew, but i also believe boy's are not permitted into this dorm building? or have the rules changed since two and a half hours ago, when i first got lectured about boys, sex, drugs, and alcohol on the JU campus? but if they have, please, tell me where the bar is, and my nearest escape route."

i wasn't a drinker, no. but the thought of getting wasted, somehow sounded so much better then sitting here, mourning something absolutely not worth it. ..i think. but mister ayers never did get a chance to answer, because coming down the hall way, high-heels clacking on the hardwood, was none other then our, the ariana girl's house mother. goodie, this sure sounds like fun.

i was about to suggest the boy try to use his well working brain and common sense, to help him come up with a bright idea as to where and how he should remove himself from my bedroom before getting caught, when chase ayers looked at me, frantically, and dove under my bed. BRILLIANT! kidd, have you ever thought of a career as a brain surgeon? really, i think you'd be perfect for the job. you could program idiots like yourself to flee under girl's beds in their dorm room, before getting caught for being there in the first place.

____wow, God, i'd like to personally congratulate you for sending another boy idiot to distract me from my petty life. you must think very highly of me, because first it was some rapist, who refereed to himself as Filth, then some other guy.. who seemed as though he'd come out of a story book form the seventeenth century, then the ohso lovely and endearing koi james duffy, and now, now the kidd who called himself chase ayers, from bradwell, who was currently hiding underneath my bed. thanks, thanks alot.

"smooth, kidd."

i muttered under my breath,

"make sure the boogieman isn't hiding underneath there with you, or else shower may be the next place you'd like to hide yourself."

there was a knock, and a few words.

"uhm, i guess? i mean.. yeah.. i'm decent."

and with that, the door flew open. a lady covered in make-up, wearing a tight [too tight for her age] hot pink Coast t-shirt, and slick, black jeans, burst into the room, seeming out of breath.

"uhm, is there a problem.. miss, uhmm?"

i said softly, trying not sound guilty of something, but i couldn't help but think maybe somebody saw ayers climb through my window. not that i cared.. it was just.. i moved crawled back to the end of the bed, swinging my legs over the end. please don't come any closer, please don't come any closer. i looked down. there was a shoe tie hanging out from under the bed skirt. smoooooth kidd.

"cookie. cookie smith, your house mother. and no dear, no, no. nothing is wrong."

she took a step closer to the bed, her heels clicking on the dark-stained floorboards beneath her pointed toes.

"i just came to see how you were, dear.. dear, uhm, kasey, right?"

she didn't wait for an answer.

"well, your brother had called the main office awhile ago, looking to see if you were alright. he said you were supposed to call him before curfew? i told him i'd come to check on you first, as i made my rounds to the girls who have also been arriving this week. it sounds as though you've had quite a history. my, my. wolves attacks, eh? that sounds very traumatic. and to th-"

oh crap.

"uhm, well, actually i was just getting ready to take a shower, and go to bed. it's been quite an, uh, day, and.. and i just called zanny, my- er, brother. so it's okay. no worries, honestly. but i have the water running, and i don't want to waste the heat, so uhm.."

i stood up slowly, pressing little miss cookie [don't you just love the name?] back toward the door.

"i'm really sorry to rush you out like this."

i said, hoping it sounded sincere.

"ohh, no dear. it's fine. my room is just down the hall if you need anything, okay? and please, have some fun, it's still summer!"

and with that, she left. wow, talk about neuritic. i sighed, dramatically, and flopped back down on the bed, not forgetting mister chase ayers was siting huddled underneath. too bad i weight practically nothing, or else that may have hurt.

"come out, come out, where ever you areee."

i mumbled into my light blue blanket, burring my face deeper into it's cushions. God, i hate school.

this is the sound of your body under fire
these are my eyes finding you in the dark
we are the voices of an underground choir
save your breath you won't be heard![/color]



one eight six two.
under fire by halifax.
miss kasey leigh bell.
aka, navy.[/blockquote]

[itsnatbby.]

im NOT THE MODEL CiTiZEN!
not the one,
your daddy and mommy
want you to BE iNVOLVED WiTH!
ill show you a RiPROARiN good time,
if you let me.

LITTLE JIMMY JACKSON,
IS JACKING UP HIS
bronco,
he's going to;
LAY A LITTLE RUBBLE,
LATER ON AT THE TRUCK PULL.

his workman's hands were pressed up againt the dark wood of her bedframe, and if he was being completley honest, he would tell you that he had been in many situations equivelent to the penlty of the current, but he had never been between a pretty girl's bed and a wooden floor before. at least without the girl with him. he listened as her words reached him through the matress, and a smile crossed his lips. it was quickly retracted though, as the house mother barged into the room. he skirted sideways, trying his hardest not to laugh at her name. [cookie? what in the hell kind of name is cookie?] he stifled a laugh as her rushed words reached him, and he looked slowly under the light blue bedskirt. she was wearing a too tight pink t-shirt, though she had a nice body, she was just not his type. and if fifty or older was your type, ms. cookie smith was the women for you. wolf attacks? now that was new. but he had been attacked my many things, from geese to gators, so he wouldn't press her about it unless she brought it up.

a smile was present as he listened to her try and get the overprotective dame out of her dorm. and when she said her biddings, a large sigh of releif was given. he grabbed at the outer part of her bedframe and slid himself out from under it as he heard her speak. hatted head was raised to be level with the top of her matress, and he sat back on his heels. his nextel vibrated in his back pocket, but he ignored it, letting his, emerald, eyes survey the large space. what to do, what to do. it was already akward enough, but he wasn't about to up and leave. not a chance.

"yeah. the boogieman. now that would have been fun."

he raised up from is seating, and he walked quietly into the bathroom. it was cluttered with things, but it was a neat kind of clutter. he turned on his boot and hung his head out of the door and looked at her.

"you don't have a roomate, do you? because that's really all i need you know, having an unsuspecting girl walk in on her roomate and a southern boy that just happen to be together, after curfew. and for her to run out screaming to that cookie chick, yelling, 'ohmighod! theres an extremley hot guy in my dorm hitting on my roomate!'"

he smirked, sitting down on the double bed that was oppisite to hers. she definatley wasn't his ususal eye-catch, but she had something different about her. his eyes did catch the crimson stained bandage that crisscrossed over her wrist, and his smile shrunk for a moment, but then it replaced itself fleeting moments later. sure, she had her problems, but everyone did. he reclined to the thin pillow that was default against the unsheeted bed.

[/color]

ooc; yayy lmao.

[mizz kaseyy.]

call me a doctor of defense.
maybe I'm a fix.
baby i'm a mess.
a diagnosis you'll forget.
call me baby call me crazy, yeah yeah yeah!
take these pills everyday
to kill your apathy for living.
yeah for living, yeah yeah!

i found the villain in your bed
a blanket full of lust.
a pillow you can trust.
so is this what you call love?
call me crazy, listen baby, yeah yeah yeah
stop sniffing all your cocaine
i'll be your drug for the pain
for all the pain, yeah yeah!

[/color]




____we'll get off the topic of God now, because, as the perfect little christian i am, sadly, i'm kind of.. doubting his existence. but here, we won't get into my petty little religious life. that's something you wouldn't ant to hear. because, well, see, i'm the strong-minded type. and if you don't believe what i believe- you're wrong. i can still remember the nights i sat with him... him being koi, telling him about heaven and hell, the lord and the devil. funny as it seems, sitting there in his arms as we watched the stars, nothing seemed more real to me then him, as he held me in his arms, and listened to my endless prattling. but ohh, he's gone now, and i won't sit here and look pretty as i continue to dwell on him and the past. God's doing this to me; i'm convinced. might as well go along with it, right? forgive and forget.

i could hear chase ayer's boots scraping up against the dark-stained oak floorboards, only seconds after the door had closed behind the ever-so preppy miss cookie smith. i could almost feel his piercing green eyes studying me as i laid there, face down on my bed, not willing myself to look up just yet. maybe if i just laid here and held my breath long enough, he'd climb back out my window and leave? i could now hold my breath easily for two minutes, so sadly, my little suicide attempts take longer after each try. then again, you've probably never heard of suicide-by-not-breathing freely, have you? but after laying there, listening to his breath, his intake slowly coming in and out, i wondered: did i even want him to leave? but of course i did- he was just some prep who climbed through my second-story window to probably go hook up with his girlfriend; why else would he be in here?

i listened to his words, and i couldn't help but laugh dryly, picking my head up just in time to see him walk into my bathroom- ohhhh crap. i uhm.. cleaned up all the blood, right? and the razor blade- that was in my purse. i sat up slowly, watching him as he looked around my cluttered skin and counter top. haha, oops. i could see a box of tampons sitting out on the white marble top. poor kidd, i bet he wishes he could have gotten the hell out of here while he still had the chance earlier. but after a minute he turned around, leaning himself on the door post, that darling [what, darling? ew.] smile returning to his rosey lips. he looked at me, right in the eyes, still grinning. i guess that mean he'd seen no blood? i looked down at my arms. as if it wasn't obvious without the extra hint.

mistaa chase ayer's words came to me then, still low, his normally loud voice, almost a whisper. i grinned stupidly at him, as he talked about my not-existing room mate, and the fact that she'd probably scream there was a hot guy hitting on me in our room.

"alittle full of ourself, aren't we now?"

i asked, still smiling.

"what makes you think my room mate would find you attractive in the least bit? and if she was a lesbian? her eyes would be strictly on me, dear. save your breath- you're not as cool as you think you are."

okay, and THAT was alittle rude. but what could i say? all guys [who weren't the one i was in love with] were idiotic, and full of themselves like this. and i could have been nicer, but really, i was sick of their crap. but then, i allowed myself to look at him. he really wasn't that bad looking, like i had brutally noticed before, and he was the one, still standing here, talking to me- the freak who cut herself, just so she could feel the pain once more. before that sexy little smile [whoaa, ease up girl] could fall from his lips, i added:

"i mean, unless you were her type.. "

and now i was stuck, a loss at words. i sighed, pulling my knees back up to my chest as he walked across the room and sat on the opposite bed.

"look, i'm sorry. you probably already think i'm this little bitch who only thinks highly of herself and.."

i could see ayer's smile fade, as his eyes traveled down my arm, taking in my bloodied band-aid. ohh yeah, pretty boy, see how highly i think of myself? i'm scaring my body, just to show the world i think i'm better then they are. slowly, i trailed my hand across my arm, to cover up the pad, looking down at my feet as i continued.

"well, i'm don't. i can promise you that. and i probably come off as a bitch to you, because.."

oh hell girl, dig yourself deeper into a hole. because, why? becuase you've closed your heart up to everyone you encounter, ever since your boyfriend you attempted suicide with his no where to be found, and even after he promised he wouldn't ever leave you again, there you sit with his first initial etched into your arm, all alone. alone, with another boy, of course.

"no, i don't have a room mate. but i think you'd better leave. incase.."

incase i get too attached. incase i tell you something i know i shouldn't. incase you become someone, used to make me forget my past, and everything, along with everyone in it. incase i get hurt again. incase i hurt you.

"i mean, i wouldn't way anyone coming in on us again.. and you could get kicked out of school for this..."

____it's funny, i'll tell you. i get the opportunity to get close to someone again and what do i do? i push him away, and lock the door behind him. but what do you except of me? i'm telling you, kidd, i'm someone you wouldn't want in your life. do you not see these scares on my pretty little arms? don't worry; i have others too. on my waist, on my legs. see? is this someone you'd like to look after the rest of your pretty little life? probably not. good thing we're keeping our ten minute relationship professional. good thing we're not digging our graves too deep. good thing i'm not falling too hard for the boy i've only known for such a short amount of time, or else, baby boy, we might not come out of this alive!

i watched, innocently enough, as chase laid his head down, and relaxed his self on the double bed sitting across from mine.my glance drifted back toward the floor, taking my hand off the sticky red band-aid, reveling red blood stains on my fingers. ewgod. i pulled the fading black selves of my UCD sweatshirt down down down, over my arms, and clenched the dark cloth in each of my hands, as i had done before with zanny- my standard if you can't see the cuts, they're not really there move. i didn't look back up at chase ayers, afraid he'd seen what i saw. i'm not crazy. i wanted to insist. i only do this so i can feel the pain like everyone else. my mind screamed. i just wanted to be like everyone else, who wasn't hindered with my past. i just wanted to forget- forgive and forget. why was that so hard?

this is the sound of your body under fire
these are my eyes finding you in the dark
we are the voices of an underground choir
save your breath you won't be heard![/color]



one three two five.
under fire by halifax.
miss kasey leigh bell.
aka, navy.[/blockquote]

[itsnatbby.]

im NOT THE MODEL CiTiZEN!
not the one,
your daddy and mommy
want you to BE iNVOLVED WiTH!
ill show you a RiPROARiN good time,
if you let me.

LITTLE JIMMY JACKSON,
IS JACKING UP HIS
bronco,
he's going to;
LAY A LITTLE RUBBLE,
LATER ON AT THE TRUCK PULL.

body was turned around to look at her, and his, emerald, eyes glittered, set out by his similarly colored dress shirt. sure, it didn't look like a dress shirt anymore, not something that a respectable prep school boy would where around town. but in his redneck hometown, it was something nearly everyone wore. the grass stains on the shoulders, [don't ask where those came from], the unwashable mud stains on the collar, and the ripped seams. all pulled together by white buttons. it wasn't something you saw walking around JUs campus every day. he layed on his side, not staring at her, but looking at the wall behind her, keeping minimal eye contact as she spoke. some people hated the way that his, odd, eyes looked as he let is gaze rest on something, and he wasn't about to do that to this broken girl. broken, pretty, girl might he add, but he wouldn't put her under pressure. resting one arm over his hat, he breathed in softly, a small laugh coming from his lips.

"full of myself? hmm, that's not the words i would use. but, confident, in my self, might be a better way to put it. actually, full of myself might be accurate. but i'm not about to admit it."

he returned to his back, and winked at the ceiling, his mouth forming a smile.

"ah, lesbian roomate? now, that might be a little akward. oh, now that hurt. but of course, you know, nobody is as cool as they think they are."

now that must have been rehearsed. one of his MANY pick up lines wouldn't have worked on this girl, [not like they ever did], but you know, that didn't matter. he wanted to use them, but there was something about her that made him think twice before he did things. she rambled on and on, and he casually listened until she was done. and she didn't have a roomate, not a bad thing, but when she asked him to leave, he was fairly suprised, but not really suprised. i mean, he barely knew her, and it's not like he had come to ariana to see her. actually, he hadn't come to ariana to see anyone, just for a little fun. and he was indeed getting his fun this moment. and would he leave? perhaps. he removed his hat from his head, and replaced it backwards, letting his calused hands slide down his head and to the bottom of his ribcage. he stood up, and walked towards the window from which he came, and swung one of his long legs out of it. ducking, he moved halfway underneath it. he laughed quietly, and bent back in. he sat on the window sill, and his, emerald, eyes flickered lightly.

"you didn't really think i would leave right? i'm not about to run on back to bradwell when the house father is checking curfew. he'll knock on my door, and hollar 'curfew' and then walk away. theres no need to actually be there. but i shouldn't go waltzing back in the doors of the dormitory from the direction of ariana hall. because that wouldn't look to suspicious."

he laughed, and let his eyes drift back to her innocently enough.

[/color]

im NOT THE BOY,
your mom and dad,
warned you about.
their IMAGINATION,
was never this good.

ooc; haha XD

[mizz kaseyy.]

call me a doctor of defense.
maybe I'm a fix.
baby i'm a mess.
a diagnosis you'll forget.
call me baby call me crazy, yeah yeah yeah!
take these pills everyday
to kill your apathy for living.
yeah for living, yeah yeah!

i found the villain in your bed
a blanket full of lust.
a pillow you can trust.
so is this what you call love?
call me crazy, listen baby, yeah yeah yeah
stop sniffing all your cocaine
i'll be your drug for the pain
for all the pain, yeah yeah!

[/color]




____when it comes down to that one simply little matter, well, let's face it baby. obviously, i'm not going to be able to move on. so look down and sneer at me coldly, and i'll just sit here and grin right back up at you, not willing myself to look away. why? because you think you're better at me, for the fact that you can forget about your past lovelife ohso quickly. and as for me, all i can think about is his face. even with another boy, from bradwell, no less, lays across from me, i still can't get him out of my mind. only when the guy smiles brilliantly at me, does his face fade in memory for a few seconds. but then he's back, stronger then ever, his eyes boring down on me, as if to tempt me; go ahead, go ahead and go back on your promise to always stay with me. do ahead dear, go ahead and do something. but ohh, ohh, that's this? you left me. so will it really hinder your petty little heart that much if i moved on? and no, i'm not making any promises here, especially not with this boy [i'm already attached], but hey, would it matter to you if i just picked up and moved on? maybe then, you're beautiful little face will disappear out of my memory.. maybe for good this time. maybe if i can find someone to waste my time, screw with my heart, maybe i won't need to remember your face constantly so you can just feel that much closer to me.

ice blue [EMERALD DEAR!] lenses watched the boy, mister chase ayers, as he sat up to adjust his hat, he leaned back again then, slowly as his green eyes drifted back over to me, then next to me, his eyes focusing idly somewhere between the door and myself. what's wrong, pretty boy? can't stand to look at someone so dreadful as myself? i listened, somewhat intently, as his vocals came to me, his words now becoming louder, more of an actual voice instead of a whisper, as he warmed up to the fact that he was laying next to a ariana girl after curfew.

"oh?"

i said, laughing softly as he did, my mood soon becoming light and giddy again. silly me, for worrying about such petty problems.

"not about to admit it? i believe you just blew your cover dear. i now know you're full of yourself. i don't know what to think about you after that little comment."

i played, easing myself back down on the bed, body turned to face him, as i rested my head on my hand- the hand that was attached to the arm that now had a lovely new slice in addition to the rest. i let my hands release the cloth on my sweatshirt cuffs slightly, as i began to relax once more. i could do this. no problem.

"ah, yes. lesbian room mates could indeed make this whole living situation quite awkward. then again, they wouldn't be after every "extremely hot" boy who climbers through our bedroom window, now would they? that could work to my advantage.."

i joked, grinning. stupidly, of course- how else would i smile around this boy?

"well then, mister chase ayers, i guess we agree on something then- nobody is as cool as they think they are."

i paused, trying to think of something to say, something that would keep his attention as the boy's emerald eyes drifted to me, then back over my head again.

"unless of course they think they're as cool as someone around my standards. they might actually then but thinking less of themselves.. but here, that's irrelevant."

of course, most people would be considered next to poverty if they thought themselves as cool as i. she couldn't help but smile as the boy in the green dress shirt removed his hat lightly, putting it on back wards, before letting his hand trail down his body lightly, until it came to rest apun his rib cage. seriously- there was something wrong with me. i couldn't help but think how cute he seemed as he did this.

but the trance broke quickly, when, to my dismay, he stood up abruptly, and i couldn't help it when my heart came to into my throat, and my stomach did a somersault. oh crap. i thought, as he walked fluidly over to the door, his hands swinging lazily at his sides as he stopped before the window sill, swinging one leg over. i wanted to say something to him.. something, anything to make him stay here with me. my face crumbled, but then he turned back around to face me, laughing as he did so.

i scrambled off the bed then, my heart pulsing widely. he was staying, then, i take it? his eyes flickered to me, and i remembered to composed my face as i took a few steps closer to him- the closest i had manged to get, aside form when he was laying underneath my bed. he began, then, to ramble about how he wouldn't leave now anyway, for his house father would catch him checking curfew if he went back now.

i couldn't help but think there was another reason as to why he was staying.

"ohh."

i said as coolly as possible, trying not to sound hurt that he actually may have left- hey, i told him to anyway.

"well fine. just don't blame it on me when you get caught for being in here, room 016, with a girl. and i'd rather not be crowned the school slut on my first day here."

not that doing something sluttish sounded all that horrible with chase right now. oops. koi. haha, i love you koi. although you did walk away, leaving me bleeding. still bleeding. my hand moved unconsciously over my arm. i tried, and failed, to think of something else to say. i wanted to keep him here with me, right here in front of me [or maybe closer], for as long as i could. how selfish was that? but i couldn't be blamed- really. everyone else, everyone normally looks at me, turning their eyes to either gawk at me [the boys, most of the time] or sneer at me, and lift their noses up in disgust [mostly the girls]. i get that i'm not pretty, i'm something funny to look at- why else would the boys star, mouths almost hanging open, and the girls, watching me with such scornful looks, because i wasn't as pretty as them.

"uhm.."

i looked down then, playing with the cuffs of my sweatshirt once more, as i stood there in the awkward silence, not quite sure what to say, or do. if i looked back up at him, the bradwell boy with a classical, directed green shirt that matched his eyes, and beautiful smile, i was afraid i might melt. and that, my dear, would be bad.

this is the sound of your body under fire
these are my eyes finding you in the dark
we are the voices of an underground choir
save your breath you won't be heard![/color]



one one nine nine.
under fire by halifax.
miss kasey leigh bell.
aka, navy.[/blockquote]

[itsnatbby.]

im NOT THE MODEL CiTiZEN!
not the one,
your daddy and mommy
want you to BE iNVOLVED WiTH!
ill show you a RiPROARiN good time,
if you let me.

LITTLE JIMMY JACKSON,
IS JACKING UP HIS
bronco,
he's going to;
LAY A LITTLE RUBBLE,
LATER ON AT THE TRUCK PULL.

back was pressed up against the cool window, he felt the crisp autumn wind encase him, and with one fluid movement, his hands curved over the window and shut it. he did this all without looking, all without taking his, emerald, eyes off of the girl. he took a step towards her, his cuffed sleeves just barely touching her shoulders. he was tall, and he probably stood a good five inches taller than her, mabe more, maybe less, but in any case, he still stood higher. but not to the point where he had to look down on her, just to the point where their eyes didn't exactly meet without direction [and my, my, was he giving his eyes the direction to look into hers]. he stood in front of her, his chest inches from hers. he laughed softly as she spoke, and his lips formed a smile again. there was something about this whole situation that made him smile a little bit more than he had in a while.

"in my opinion, being caught in a daring act, just makes said act, all the more exciting."

almost on cue [to keep him from doing what his mind told him he wanted to do, and also to couple with his words], the door swung open, and a frazzled ms. cookie smith barged through the door. she screamed at the top of her lungs, probably waking up many of jittery girls, and probably deafining every dog within a hundred mile radius.

"I KNEW IT! i just knew i heard a young man's voice! i knew it! mister ayers [it wasn't all that suprising that she knew his name, he had been in her office plenty of times, but as for him remembering her? not a chance. the only time he really remembered seeing her was just a few moments ago; from under a bedframe] your going to come with me right this instant! RIGHT THIS INSTANT!"

he smirked, raising his hands in the air like he had just been caught spray painting profanity in an alleyway by the police. he took a step back, turning his head to face her, but not turning his body from miss kasey. how he was going to get out of this one, without leaving room 016, he didn't know yet. but he would, he wasn't about to leave this dorm just yet.

"ay, ms. cookie, i'm innocent. i'm telling you now, i haven't done anything but break some basic rules. nothing to get all frazzeled over. i think you know that it causes wrinkles to have your face like that for such a long time. ah, i'm to late. sorry."

okhay, so it's really not right to speak to an authority figure like that, but it's not like it really mattered currently. he was going to do everything he could to stay off topic, and stay out of her reach.

"NOW! NOW! you little hick! i have to go before i wake my girls up! but don't you think that tommorow you won't be coming into my office. get out of here! NOW!"

with that, she slammed the door behind her, and barged down the hall, until yet another door [her own] slammed shut. wow. that was easier than planned. he laughed quietly, and looked back at kasey. he smirked, stepping forward the same amount that he had stepped back, leaving himself in the position he was in before. like it never even happened.

"odds are, i'm not leaving yet. just in case you were wondering."

[/color]

im NOT THE BOY,
your mom and dad,
warned you about.
their IMAGINATION,
was never this good.

ooc; yayy for dramaa xD

[mizz kaseyy.]

call me a doctor of defense.
maybe I'm a fix.
baby i'm a mess.
a diagnosis you'll forget.
call me baby call me crazy, yeah yeah yeah!
take these pills everyday
to kill your apathy for living.
yeah for living, yeah yeah!

i found the villain in your bed
a blanket full of lust.
a pillow you can trust.
so is this what you call love?
call me crazy, listen baby, yeah yeah yeah
stop sniffing all your cocaine
i'll be your drug for the pain
for all the pain, yeah yeah!

[/color]




____hush ay bye, don't you cry, go to sleep my little baby. i can still hear those words swimming in and out of my head, like a broken record substituting for my brain, that just won't go away. laugh if you'd like, it's only keeping me closer to the boy who left me while i was dying out in the middle of no where, after i through my self off a cliff, just so i could go to hell exactly when he did. yet if hell is where i'm currently residing, i can't imagine the after life.

i was trying to listen to his words, really i was. but as the boy from bradwell slid is body off the windowsill, and closed the gap between us, i couldn't help but only stare up at him in awe. what? think i'm crazy dahhling? my mind was racing. i wasn't too sure about what this mister chase ayers was planning. if he just felt like getting too close for comfort, fine. i could handle that. you can toy with me, pretty boy. go ahead. but what if he was planning on kissing me? because, when i look up, so our eyes meet, that's what it seems like he's attempting to do. and then what? i have koi. my koi. whom i love dearly. but baby, let's face it. he's not here, and he may never come back. so why not have a distraction from the past? this boy wouldn't be a bad substitute- i may actually do this because i'm just simply falling for him. but ohh, let's not get ahead of ourselves here!

chase ayers smiled down at me, brilliantly, and again, like always i tried to think of something to say. stupidly, i realized i never told the boy my name.

"i'm kasey leigh bell, by the way.."

i said softly, smiling lightly back up at him, not quite sure what to say, or do. except lean into him slightly, my face still upturned toward him as his grinning face filled my eyes. i wasn't about to make the first move, but i could surly help move things along. but my plan failed, as i jumped when my door flew open, almost whacking my head on the boys. well ,well, well, if it isn't miss cookie, my house mother. already, i hated her. where did she get off, having the right to barge in like this. but ohh crap- i looked a chase, my expression bewildered. though his was bemused, and as i stepped away from chase and cookie began to yell, he face stayed smooth and calm the whole time. i couldn't help but laugh. she wasn't really getting through to him.

after sending him quite a few dirty looks, miss cookie walked out of room, and i was quite surprised she didn't drag mister ayers out with her.

"so. you do come here quite often. someone special you're just dying to see?"

i couldn't help but keep some of the sneer out of my voice, as he turned and walked back to the window, i wasn't sure what to do. he leaned back up against the edge, and i sat back down on the side of my blue bed, watching him watching me.

"but it's not like that really matters. i mean, i just figured.. you can go to see her if you'd like? or you could hang out here. just uhmm.. i don't want you getting in anymore trouble.. or myself, because i bet i'll never hear the end of this. haha, me, school slut on my first day here. aren't you proud? i'm sure everyone's going to love me now. not that they'd ever given me the time of day before this.."

i looked down it my hands, tracing my fingers up and down my arm, wishing i hadn't done that, but at the same time.. i did. weird, right? punishing myself. i deserved it. only now i couldn't take my sweatshirt off..

"but uhmm. again. sorry for my aimless prattle. i'm probably boring you to death."

there's other things, more interesting things we could be doing, instead of sitting here talking.

this is the sound of your body under fire
these are my eyes finding you in the dark
we are the voices of an underground choir
save your breath you won't be heard![/color]



seven three three.
under fire by halifax.
miss kasey leigh bell.
aka, navy.[/blockquote]

[itsnatbby.]

im NOT THE MODEL CiTiZEN!
not the one,
your daddy and mommy
want you to BE iNVOLVED WiTH!
ill show you a RiPROARiN good time,
if you let me.

LITTLE JIMMY JACKSON,
IS JACKING UP HIS
bronco,
he's going to;
LAY A LITTLE RUBBLE,
LATER ON AT THE TRUCK PULL.

a laugh was let through his lips as he recalled on what he had just said to the dorm mother, coupled with what she said to him. he smirked, reclining in a desk chair and spinning in a circle like a child. what was it about this girl that made him smile? she was good looking, sure sure, but there was something else. something, special? NOW, the question is. will you ask me a question or not? because i'm feeling the vibe, and YOU must be to. well, you might just be feeling it. but you never really know, now do you? but he had hope. NOT the average kind of hope, but the hope for something a step up from what he usually settled for. [those girls who would make up and make out with anyone, and everyone. the kind you met at those dirty south clubs. the ones he hit all the time.] NOW! do you see what he's saying?

he strided over to the bed where she sat, and collapsed backwards and raised his eyebrows.

"referring to a girlfriend? then no. i just like to come here and barge in on unsuspecting girls. call it childish? i call it fun. but this time, i was lucky enough to barge in on you."

his, emerald, eyes watched her move her fingers up and down her arm from his lying down position. he smiled as she spoke, and he closed his eyes.

"yeah, your boring me to sleep.. your not exactly boring me."

he sat back up, moving his seat closer to hers. he crossed his booted feet, and looked into her alose, emerald, eyes. he ran is fingers through his brunette locks, and smirked slightly.

his lips opened and closed, and he moved slowly cloer, bending his head slightly to the right. not the whole hundered, only nintey. let her go the other ten. and it wasn't like him to make the first move anyway. though he looked like he was about to.

the copy cat big ben that stood in the center of the campus struck once, maybe twice. it signaled that twelve o' clock was nearing, and any sensible teen would be sleeping right now. a sideglance was given at the window, and he slowly returned his [non-sensible] attention back to miss kasey. now what was he doing? making his 'move' when he had met her not even two hours ago? [just like him] and he actually believed he wasn't doing it on impulse, and he was doing it on pure heart. but what was he doing?

[/color]

im NOT THE BOY,
your mom and dad,
warned you about.
their IMAGINATION,
was never this good.

ooc; yayy for dramaa xD

[mizz kaseyy.]

call me a doctor of defense.
maybe I'm a fix.
baby i'm a mess.
a diagnosis you'll forget.
call me baby call me crazy, yeah yeah yeah!
take these pills everyday
to kill your apathy for living.
yeah for living, yeah yeah!

i found the villain in your bed
a blanket full of lust.
a pillow you can trust.
so is this what you call love?
call me crazy, listen baby, yeah yeah yeah
stop sniffing all your cocaine
i'll be your drug for the pain
for all the pain, yeah yeah!

[/color]




____tell me, baby boy. tell me one thing: do you get enjoyment, perhaps, out of breaking me down? to act like i, little miss kasey leigh bell, mean nothing but the world to you, just so you can use me when you please, then simply drop me as though i was some kind of bad drug? only so you, and your lanky little fingers, can pick me back up, and act like i'm your sweet, major addiction? funny- you amuse me. not too many can accomplish the level of low you've reached, leaving me here once again, on my death bed no less. but what could i except from you? taking you back, just like always. and tell me, what am i to do if i ever see your pretty little face again? and if i take you back, because i'm nothing but a pushover with a weak heart, will you stay with me only long enough to tell me you love me, kiss me under the bright, white stars, then leave once more? red flashing lights, neon glow. these flashy little signs are telling me no, no, NO! and yet, here i am, baby boy. simply waiting for you to come back. simply helplessly waiting.

until, i get distracted, of course.
then maybe i fall, just a tad too hard.
and if you can't save me from it,
this time?
dear boy, what WILL you do?

will it break your dead little heart?

i watched chase, from the center of my blue little bed, as he strided across the room with a simply, easy lope, and plopped his self down on my desk chair, spinning around as though he were a little kid. smiling, i couldn't help but giggled as he did so. there was an easy calmness about him, something that relaxed your little nerves and kept you laughing.

but then the boy stopped, and stood up, walking over to where i sat, and fell down, not ever three feet form where i sat on the bed. he leaned back, his head hitting the fluffy comforter, and began to speak, his voice still full of laughter. i sat there, dumbfounded, and watched him innocently enough, as his voice reached my pale little ears.

"no girlfriend? ohh, that's a shame."

i couldn't help but smirk, as he sat up slowly.

"and as for you barging in on poor, innocent, unexcepting girls, well. i think that may have to come to an end, for miss cookie is going to be watching you twenty four seven. unless of course we can find a better hiding place for you?"

not that i'm suggesting i wan you to come back see me. heavens no, mister ayers. this is strictly a business relationship.though as he scooted closer to me, i couldn't help but forget everything. along with everyone. ohh, but that only lasted a few seconds. koi's sad, pale, blue eyes looked down at me. hurt. ohh, crap. re-gripped the dark, faded cuffs of my sweatshirt, i squeezed my fakefakefake green eyes shut as the boy leaned down toward me.

but they flickered open again, as we both turned to listen as the tower's bells struck midnight. close your eyes and count to three, then let it all go. i listened, my eyes slowly sliding closed. ding, dong. one. ding, dong two. ding, dong. three. i opened my green contact eyes again, then, as chase ayers face turned back to mine. koi's face was there, then, stronger then over, his living dead boy face, simply covered in pain. but it faded, becoming more and more fuzzy, as i leaned over, and kissed him.

yes, that's right. i kissed him. i kissed mister chase ayers, the boy who climbed through my window, not even two hours ago. but i couldn't help it. hush a bye, don't you cry. go to sleep, my little baby.

[/color]



six six six. O.O
under fire by halifax.
miss kasey leigh bell.
aka, navy.[/blockquote]

[itsnatbby.]

[squirmsandyawns]
comingg.
when i get the chance.
it's to late noww.
i'd probably rp him fallingg asleep XD
12:55am.
now thats a little lattee,
wouldn't you sayy?